Judgemental is the act of disapproving, tending to judge people too quickly and critically. For example, we see someone and based on their looks and actions, we pass a judgement on them.
“Wow..she gained weight…look at her tummy”… “I know why the husband left her”… “is that the dress she wore last week?”…”owh, she is having an affair..I must call someone and tell”. Have you been in a conversation where you were dishing out the criticisms, assumptions and judgements? Don’t lie..we all did at some point. It is so easy to say ‘I am not a judgmental person’. Owh hell, we all do and we are all judgmental. YOU, HE, SHE, THEM..and even ME. I certainly am..many times I passed a judgement on someone. Why?? Because it is a human nature. We always believe that we are better than others. Since being judgemental is a human nature, we can only able to control the degree of our ‘judgmentalness’ (Judgmentalness is a conclusion that something does not exhibit characteristics which we believe that it should exhibit and comparing the thing to our own personal values).
These are the things I always reminding myself in order to avoid passing judgement:
- Don’t be so quick to judge. We never knew when we might just find ourselves walking in that person’s shoes. Life is full of karma.
- Every single person in this world has their own story…has their own little lie... has their own dark secret. We are no exception…so, is our story good enough that license us to judge someone else’s? Tepuk dada tanya selera..afterall, only us know our own secret..our own sins
- Try to understand rather than criticizing. Imagine we are living their lives..imagine we are walking their path..imagine we are in their shoes
- Accept the person for who he/she is. Especially if that person is your family or your friend. Accept them as the unique person he/she is, not what he/she does that has no immediate effect on us. Why bother to judge people when their action does not has a single consequences to our life?
- Don’t ever think that we are so right and other people are so wrong. What really matter is not our outer looks but what is in our heart. Sounding and appearing pious doesn’t permit us to become censorious, self-righteous person
Most judgements of others that we made are ego strategies to avoid our own uncomfortable feeling. Sometimes we also display the same behaviour but we are not aware of it. "Embracing our life and use others as a mirror to ourselves". Some people may not blessed with a good life as what we are enjoying. So, be more compassionate.
I have been the victim of gossips & criticisms and I have certainly been the victim of judgments as well. Some days, I can take it calmly but there are days when I was hit by the toughest, I failed to handle it well and I broke down. Being the recipient of all these, I knew karma come in full circle…to teach me lesson and left me with experience. Living with life full of people who love to scrutinize other people's life, I am no longer wanted to allow this cycle to continue. When someone pass a gossip to me, I try my hardest not to convey the story to the person being gossiped..I don't want to have anything to do with the story and I feel pity when I think about 'I can be the subject of the gossip as well'..I opt to engage with people that are uplifting, inspiring and has full of positive energetic imprint to improve themselves. "Surround yourself with only positive people who are going to lift you higher" ~ Oprah.
But then again, lesson and experience made us tough. I'm kinda tired of trying to live up to everyone's expectation. People gonna talk..haters gonna hate..so?? This is our life, we should be the one who is in charge here. We are in charge of how we feel and what we want to do. At the end of the day, who we are is totally and completely up to ourselves. Not anyone else...
My last words to all of you & to myself…have some honour and respect for others. People may appear to have sin…look at ourselves decorously… Are we ‘sin-free’??